holy smoke!

i've been bad. i came from an extra 4 hour shift shivering from the cold weather. it's almost 12 midnight, it was drizzling, the fog was thick and i walked from my hospital to my apartment building cursing the abrupt change in weather. the only thing on my mind during that short albeit very chilly walk were coffee and cigarettes... coffee and cigarettes... coffee and cigarettes...

lately i've been downing gallons of coffee. at home when i'm too "kuripot" to turn on the heater or when we go out to shop or do some errands and when i'm at work trying to keep myself awake during the unholy hours of my graveyard shift. getting coffee is easy, and so is getting cigarettes. it is the act of smoking those damn cigarettes that is hard for me. you see, nobody smokes in our apartment. nobody except for me(occasionally!). but it's not like i'm addicted to it or anything. i mean i can do away with smoking (in fact i haven't touched a stick eversince i came here, which is almost a year now). i can function without it. i just miss it when i'm sipping a cup of piping hot coffee.

i had it easier when i was in pinas, because i get to do this filthy habit inside my room, whenever i'm in front of the computer posting on my blog, surfing the net or writing something on my journal. nobody knew that i knew how to smoke except for my younger sister. i am always armed with a can of Glade "odor away" in case my mother would come inside my room when i'm not home. my brother (who is a smoker) found out about it when he spied a pack of marlboro lights on one of the closet drawers. he was cool about it though. he even asked "wala kang lighter?" and went on with whatever he's doing.

smoking is a choice. it is an unpopular choice among women. have the men smoke and they almost always get away looking cool. however we see women smoking and we brand them as not the most wholesome beings on earth. bad girl! there goes the double standards again.

earlier on this post i said that i've been bad. i guess i was. i tried smoking inside the apartment (apologies to my housemates! i won't do it again inside.) if it's any consolation, i tried puffing the smoke out of the screened window, i avoided the small hallway we have where the smoke alarm is and i also tried doing it inside the bathroom where there's an exhaust. the next time i smoke, it will be on the fire exit stairs outside the apartment. that place, or i would never smoke at all.

additional drag